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  • Writer's pictureSue Landsberg

ease what irks

Updated: Feb 7, 2022

Have you ever considered why some events or people really trigger you? Ask yourself what is it beneath the words or actions that irk you. It is often something that has conflicted with one of your values. For example if someone is constantly late for appointments you may become irritated and annoyed by that person. It could be that your value of being respected has not been met or that you feel undervalued. In understanding your core values it is much easier to know what you need to do to ensure they are being 'lived' and not simply 'listed'.

You can then create healthy boundaries to protect them. Internal boundaries are what you need to do within yourself and action (words, emotions and actions) to uphold them and external boundaries, what you will tolerate and accept from others and your environment.

Knowing and living by your core values are the foundation for your happiness and fulfilment. They are signposts steering you in the right direction for you. They serve as your oasis of respite when you need to regroup and reset. They help you make decisions that are right for you. Living true to your value set is a key driver of your self worth and confidence.

So many become unnecessarily and so easily agitated and stressed by others. Recognising that people have different values to us means we may not take things so personally and this would mean less conflict and support healthier relationships. We can then communicate more effectively and with greater clarity as we understand ourselves better.

We unconsciously give so much of our power away daily to our own unhelpful thoughts, emotions and actions, those of others and uncontrollable events in our environment. Becoming more self aware means you can see with greater claity what is right for you, self regulate more easily and enjoy a better quality of life both personally and professionally.

Coaching prompts:

1. What are your core values? What's most important to you?

(1-1 coaching explores this in depth)

2. Are you living your values? How do you know?

3. Where do you give your mental and emotional power away?

Mindfulness prompts:

  1. Become aware of your triggers and explore what the agitation is beneath the trigger.

  2. Practice slow, deep, calm breathing. Longer exhale to reduce the stress response as you deepen your self awareness in a curious and non judgemental way.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.


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